Today, there are just over eleven million caregivers in France. Beyond the recognition of the status of helper, there is the problem of the caregiver-helped relationship and its repercussions on the lives of each other. Find all our advice to facilitate this relationship and live your role as caregiver more serenely.

Caregiver – Helped: a “couple” relationship to be built

Being a helper is not innate. The role of caregiver is essential in the face of advancing age, illness, disability, loss of autonomy of a loved one. A new couple is then set up: wife-husband, child-parent…, with a new type of relationship to build.

For the caregiver,  this new role is a source of anxiety in the face of the situation of his loved one, it can be a sign of discouragement or exhaustion.

For the person being helped, it is most often difficult to accept help from a loved one. This help becomes a source of aggression, anxiety, anger, demand, frustration….

In this context, the person being helped will project his feelings and his anxiety onto the helper. Easier to get angry with loved ones, doctors, professionals than with illness or loss of autonomy.

All this contributes to creating a new relationship that sometimes leads to conflict. How to cope ?

Download the guide – find respite to help without burning out

Caregiver: your rights and freedoms

As a caregiver, you should not feel guilty and you have the right to:

Continue to do activities for you and just for you,

Continue to work,

Take care of yourself: this will allow you to take better care of the person you are caring for,

To be tired and to express your difficulties,

Continue to have a personal life,

To be proud of yourself and to feel useful,

To reject any attempt at manipulation on the part of the person being helped,

Cultivate mutual respect

Ask for help from others or professionals.

Helper: asking for help

Faced with any sign of exhaustion, it is important to know how to ask for help and to respect your limits.

Respect your limits and do not feel guilty

It is necessary to define your commitment:

How long and how many times a week can I be present?

What kind of help can I get?

Who will replace me during my vacation?

What other aspects of my life are important? My family ? My work ? My friends ?

It is up to you to set your limits and avoid any feeling of guilt linked to our education, the notion of duty, the fear of being judged, the reluctance of the person being helped….

The carer is often afraid that the person being cared for will not accept the sharing of tasks between other family members or with professionals.

If that’s the case, it’s up to you to tell the person being helped: “It’s me who needs help, not you”.

Bring in other family members or professionals

Don’t hesitate to talk about it with the loved ones of the person being helped to see how you can share the various tasks and related costs.

You can also call on the various home services (housekeeper, meal delivery, etc.) according to the personalized assistance plan that will have been defined as part of the Apa à domicile application .

Respite solutions , such as day care, temporary stay in Ehpad, can also be considered to allow you to breathe or go on vacation.